Most of us can undoubtedly sympathize with the influx of opinions and inquiries that surface when discussing the decision to have children.
In today’s world, there seems to be an unspoken pressure to secure a stable job, find a partner, marry, and have children. Consequently, couples who opt not to have kids often feel the need to explain their choice to others. Those who do not fully comprehend such a decision can sometimes be awkward, posing deeply personal questions that truly are no one else’s concern.
Such questions often veer into intimate territory, making the people at the receiving end uncomfortable, especially when it comes to explaining why they have chosen not to be parents.
At times, not having children is considered the height of selfishness; conversely, when couples deemed “different” aim to have kids, the perception of what constitutes egoism changes drastically…
Some two decades ago, Patti White, residing in California, was met with news that filled her heart with delight and brought concern. Her daughter, Lisa, shared the news of her pregnancy.
Lisa has Down syndrome, a genetic condition that presents varying levels of physical and mental challenges. However, it’s essential to remember that many individuals with Down syndrome live independently, hold jobs, and manage self-care.
The probability of two individuals with Down syndrome having a child is quite low, mainly because it’s rather exceptional for men with Down syndrome to father children.
Upon hearing the news of a grandchild, Patti was both surprised and supportive of Lisa’s choice to keep the baby.
At 29, Lisa maintained her own apartment and worked full-time at her local Goodwill store. For 11 years, she lived independently.
“She got along with everyone,” recounted Patti in a conversation with Voice in 2016. “She could do everything except operate the cash register. She truly enjoyed her job, and they appreciated her as well.”
Lisa also started a relationship with a man who had Down syndrome. While they dated, they maintained separate residences. Patti acknowledged her daughter’s mature relationship, and they had transparent discussions about birth control and safe sex.
Despite prevailing beliefs, the assertion was that men with Down syndrome were sterile and posed no pregnancy risk, as many had conveyed to Patti at the time.
Destiny, however, had its own plan.
One afternoon, as Patti returned from lunch at work, she played back the voicemail messages. Among them was Lisa’s exultant announcement:
“Hi Mum, I just wanted you to know you’re going to be a GRANDMOTHER!” Patti described the moment: “My mind went in every possible direction. How was this possible? Her boyfriend has Downs!”
Outsiders viewed Lisa’s decision to carry on with the pregnancy as irresponsible, tagging it as selfish, while casting doubts on her potential to be a good parent. But through it all, her family remained staunchly supportive.
Lisa, an articulate and spirited individual, experienced many typical pregnancy occurrences. She attended birthing classes, had a pregnancy mentor, and experienced the usual pregnancy symptoms.
“Walking was challenging during my pregnancy. I worked five days a week, suffered morning sickness, and most days felt terrible, often feeling like I might vomit,” Lisa shared with Voice.
Her pregnancy was regarded as high-risk and treated as such. Lisa’s son, Nic, was born four weeks early, also with Down syndrome, as his parents had.
Nic’s father was present during his birth. Initially, the couple attempted to live together around the time of Nic’s birth, but unfortunately, it didn’t work out. Tragically, Nic’s father passed away when Nic was only five years old.
Nic, now a 24-year-old strikingly handsome young man, was raised by his mom and grandmother, who both brim with pride for him.
The process of having children is always laden with risks, as any parent knows, but Lisa’s scenario brought added vulnerability, compounded by widespread opinions about her capabilities as a mother.
The criticism even led to strained friendships, as some parents worried Lisa would encourage their daughters to pursue motherhood too soon.
Yet, the opinions of others were inconsequential in the end, much to the benefit of Nic, who blossomed through it all; he’s a college graduate and holds deep gratitude for the women who cared for him. The individual he is today is very much due to their influence.
“I have two mothers,” Nic shared, according to Fabiosa. “My mom Lisa is the reason for my life, my love, and my birth. She is eternally wonderful and beautiful.”
In 2016, Patti conveyed an affectionate update on Facebook, featuring a photo of the vivacious mother-son pair:
“This is my daughter, Lisa, having fun with her son, Nic. Both have Down Syndrome. This year marks a significant milestone for us. She turns 50, and he turns 20. And me? I’m older than dirt. I’m immensely proud. Our aim when she found out she was pregnant was for them to foster a meaningful relationship. Through ups and downs, they defied the odds, cherishing a powerful love within their small family unit (she is a single mom),” Patti noted.
This dynamic duo, mother and son, have persevered over the decades to illustrate the worth of individuals with Down syndrome. Patti’s, Lisa’s, and Nic’s journey shares insightful lessons, hopefully aiding others in making informed choices.
Their saga is inspiring and commands our respect and admiration. Please share if you agree.
