A man is in bed with his wife

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s 3:30 in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.

Then a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. opens the door and there is a man standing on the porch.

It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. “Hi there,” slurs the stranger. “Can you give me a push??” “No, get lost! It’s half past three. I was in bed,” says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, “That wasn’t very nice of you.

Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man’s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost?” “But the guy was drunk,” says the husband.

“It doesn’t matter,” says the wife. “He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him.” So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.

He opens the front door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, “Hey, do you still want a push?” And he hears a voice cry out, “Yeah, please.” So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, “Where are you?” The Playground and the drunk replies, “Over here, on the swing.”

Here are some more jokes for you:

The Quantum Gardener Title: “Planting in Parallel Universes”

Why did the physicist become a gardener?

Because they realized that tending to plants was a lot like exploring quantum mechanics – a delicate balance of observation, uncertainty, and the magic of growth! Armed with a quantum watering can and a multiverse garden bed, the quantum gardener nurtured flowers that bloomed across parallel realities, proving that nature’s beauty transcends space and time.

The Time-Traveling Musician Title: “Harmonies Across Ages”

Why did the musician start using a time machine?

To compose and perform music that resonated through history, from ancient melodies to futuristic symphonies! Armed with an instrument that transcended eras, the time-traveling musician serenaded audiences across time, blending cultures, rhythms, and harmonies to create a timeless symphony of human expression.

The Philosophical Parrot Title: “Profoundly Feathered Philosopher”

Why did the parrot enroll in philosophy classes?

Because it wanted to take “winged wisdom” to new heights and explore the deeper questions of existence through squawks and chirps! Armed with a copy of Aristotle and a love for abstract pondering, the philosophical parrot became a beacon of enlightenment, teaching both humans and fellow birds to ponder the meaning of life.

The Time-Traveling Baker Title: “Bread Through Time”

Why did the baker use a time machine for their bakery?

To provide customers with freshly baked bread from any era, from ancient Egyptian pita to futuristic holographic baguettes! Armed with an oven that spanned centuries, the time-traveling baker kneaded dough across time, satisfying hunger while making history both delicious and educational.

The Acrobatic Librarian Title: “Flipping Through Pages and Air”

Why did the librarian join the circus?

Because they realized that arranging books on shelves was like orchestrating the perfect acrobatic routine – it required balance, precision, and a flair for the dramatic! Armed with a cartwheeling book trolley and an aerial bookshelf, the acrobatic librarian brought literacy to new heights while wowing audiences with gravity-defying stunts.

The Quantum Comedian Title: “Laughing in Multiple Dimensions”

Why did the comedian study quantum physics?

Because they found that delivering punchlines was a lot like observing particles – timing, uncertainty, and the observer’s perspective were key! Armed with quips that transcended time and space, the quantum comedian cracked jokes that left audiences laughing in alternate realities while pondering the mysteries of the universe.

The Martian Fashion Designer Title: “Fashion Forward on Mars”

Why did the fashion designer move to Mars?

To create space-inspired couture that was out of this world and prove that even the red planet could be a runway! Armed with a sewing machine that could handle zero-gravity fabrics and an eye for futuristic aesthetics, the Martian fashion designer transformed extraterrestrial landscapes into a canvas for avant-garde fashion statements.

The Time-Traveling Gardener Title: “Blooms Across Centuries”

Why did the gardener build a time machine?

To cultivate a garden that showcased the evolution of plant life throughout history, from prehistoric ferns to cybernetic roses of the future! Armed with seeds from across time, the time-traveling gardener nurtured a botanical time capsule that celebrated the beauty and resilience of flora throughout the ages.

The Juggling Astronomer Title: “Stellar Circus in the Sky”

Why did the astronomer take up juggling?

Because they realized that the universe was a cosmic juggling act, with planets, stars, and galaxies in constant motion! Armed with celestial juggling balls and a telescope that doubled as a prop, the juggling astronomer dazzled audiences while shedding light on the cosmic choreography of the cosmos.

The Quantum Hair Stylist Title: “Haircuts in Parallel Universes”

Why did the stylist study quantum mechanics?

Because they believed that every haircut was a matter of probability, with infinite possibilities for each strand of hair! Armed with a dimensional hairbrush and a multiverse mirror, the quantum hair stylist snipped and styled hair in countless dimensions, leaving clients with hairstyles that were simultaneously edgy and classical across parallel worlds.