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  HE GAVE HIS UMBRELLA TO A STRAY CAT—AND THAT’S NOT EVEN THE PART THAT GOT ME

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  HE WOULDN’T LET GO OF THE CHICKEN—AND I DIDN’T HAVE THE HEART TO TELL HIM WHY SHE WAS MISSING YESTERDAY

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  HE JUST NEEDED $25 FOR A HAIRCUT—BUT WHAT HE DID WITH IT SHOOK ME

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  HE KEPT TAKING HER TO THE SAME RESTAURANT—EVEN AFTER SHE STOPPED RECOGNIZING HIM

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  I PAID FOR A STRANGER’S GROCERIES TWO YEARS AGO—AND TODAY, I GOT THIS IN THE MAIL

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  SHE DIDN’T SAY A WORD—JUST SAT DOWN AND HELD ME UNTIL I COULD BREATHE AGAIN

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  HE BUYS HER THE SAME ROSES EVERY WEEK—EVEN THOUGH SHE DOESN’T REMEMBER WHY

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  I WAS ABOUT TO GET TOWED—UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED “METER HOMIE” SHOWED UP

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  HE STANDS THERE EVERY MORNING—BUT HE’S NOT ASKING FOR A THING

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  HE SAID HE WAS JUST “KEEPING HER WARM”—BUT IT WAS WAY MORE THAN THAT

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  HE ASKED FOR A TOY, BUT WHAT HE REALLY WANTED LEFT THE DEPUTY SPEECHLESS

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  MY BOSS FIRED ME FOR BEING ‘TOO OLD’—THEN I EXPOSED HIS AFFAIR TO HIS WIFE AND WATCHED HIM LOSE EVERYTHING