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  MY WIFE SAID “IT’S HER OR ME”—AND I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

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  MY DOG GOT MAULED—AND THEN WE GOT BLAMED FOR IT

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  MY SON SHARED HIS FRIES—AND ENDED UP PRAYING WITH A CHILD WHO DIDN’T HAVE A HOME TO GO BACK TO

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  MY HUSBAND MADE ME WRITE EXPLANATORY NOTES FOR EACH OF MY PURCHASES 

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  SHE SCREAMED AT HIM FOR BRINGING A SURFBOARD—THEN HE SAID SOMETHING THAT SHUT US ALL UP

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  I TOOK MY SON FOR A MILKSHAKE—AND HE TAUGHT ME MORE THAN I’VE TAUGHT HIM

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  THE KIDS RAN AHEAD—BUT THEN I SAW THEM STOP AND TURN BACK

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  MY BOSS FIRED ME FOR “STEALING” A SANDWICH—BUT THE REAL REASON WAS WORSE

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  MY FATHER TOLD ME HE GOES TO THE BOWLING ALLEY TO MEET WITH MY LATE MOTHER 

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  MY SISTER STOLE OUR INHERITANCE, SAYING HER KIDS NEEDED IT MORE

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  MY FATHER-IN-LAW MOVED IN “TEMPORARILY”—NOW HE’S REARRANGING MY LIFE

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  MY BALD FATHER-IN-LAW HEARD MY PRIVATE PHONE CALL—AND NOW HE WON’T LOOK ME IN THE EYE