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  MY HUSBAND MADE ME WRITE EXPLANATORY NOTES FOR EACH OF MY PURCHASES 

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  SHE SCREAMED AT HIM FOR BRINGING A SURFBOARD—THEN HE SAID SOMETHING THAT SHUT US ALL UP

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  I TOOK MY SON FOR A MILKSHAKE—AND HE TAUGHT ME MORE THAN I’VE TAUGHT HIM

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  THE KIDS RAN AHEAD—BUT THEN I SAW THEM STOP AND TURN BACK

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  MY BOSS FIRED ME FOR “STEALING” A SANDWICH—BUT THE REAL REASON WAS WORSE

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  MY FATHER TOLD ME HE GOES TO THE BOWLING ALLEY TO MEET WITH MY LATE MOTHER 

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  MY SISTER STOLE OUR INHERITANCE, SAYING HER KIDS NEEDED IT MORE

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  MY FATHER-IN-LAW MOVED IN “TEMPORARILY”—NOW HE’S REARRANGING MY LIFE

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  MY BALD FATHER-IN-LAW HEARD MY PRIVATE PHONE CALL—AND NOW HE WON’T LOOK ME IN THE EYE

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  MY WIFE STOPPED DOING ANYTHING AROUND THE HOUSE—AND I THINK I KNOW WHY

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  MY MOTHER-IN-LAW SAID SHE’D STAY “JUST A FEW DAYS”—IT’S BEEN TWO WEEKS

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  MY SON GAVE AWAY HIS MUFFIN—AND I REALIZED HE RECOGNIZED A FACE I PRETENDED NOT TO SEE