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  THE COPS LAUGHED WHEN I BEGGED FOR MY MEDS—THEN WATCHED ME HAVE A SEIZURE IN MY CELL

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  MY WIFE GOT A RANDOM TEXT FROM AN UNKNOWN NUMBER WHILE WE WERE OUT TO DINNER

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  MY LATE MOM’S EX STILL LIVES IN OUR HOUSE AND BROUGHT HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND TO KICK ME OUT, BUT I GAVE THEM A REALITY CHECK

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  THE SIGN OUT FRONT MADE ME ROLL MY EYES—BUT I WAS SO WRONG

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  OFFICER ESHBACH DIDN’T EXPECT A TOAD TO LAND HIM IN THIS MUCH TROUBLE

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  HE TAKES TWO VACATIONS A YEAR—ONE WITHOUT US, AND I JUST FOUND OUT WHY

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  A PROMISE I COULDN’T WALK AWAY FROM

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  THE KID WHO GAVE AWAY 75,000 DOUGHNUTS—AND WHY I COULDN’T JUST SMILE AND ACCEPT ONE

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  MY SON WASN’T INVITED TO A SINGLE PARTY—SO I SENT HIS FRIENDS’ PARENTS A MESSAGE THEY DIDN’T EXPECT

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  WOMAN HAS CARTOONISH MELTDOWN AS SHE’S DRAGGED OFF SPIRIT AIRLINES—AND I WAS IN THE ROW RIGHT BEHIND HER

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  MILITARY HAIRCUT GOT MY SON IN TROUBLE—NOW I’M FACING A BIGGER BATTLE

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  I Got Keys to a Place I’d Never Seen Before — and My Husband Had Been Hiding It From Me for Years