Building relationships with a new family can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope. Theresa, a newlywed, recently shared her poignant tale of how a well-intentioned act became a significant source of heartache at a family dinner, leaving her feeling embarrassed and wounded.

Theresa faced a tough emotional situation when trying to connect with her new family. Here’s a supportive hand for handling this sensitive issue effectively and with peace of mind.

Express Understanding, Not Blame

Talk to your husband gently and share how the incident deeply affected you. Avoid assigning blame; instead, communicate your emotions, such as saying, “When your mother dismissed my mom’s recipe, I felt like she disrespected her memory.” Share that it was particularly hurtful when you didn’t feel supported by him during and after the event.

Try to understand his perspective of what happened and if he realized how his reaction, or lack of it, impacted you. This can open the door for a constructive conversation, helping him to appreciate your feelings and potentially be more considerate in future situations.

Establish Clear Boundaries

Given the icy reception from your mother-in-law, it’s crucial to set clear boundaries early on. Let her know, politely yet firmly, that dismissive comments like the one she made are not acceptable because they hurt you. For instance, say, “I brought the dish to share part of my mom with everyone. Hearing it belittled was painful.”

Make it clear that respect goes both ways, and ask if it’s possible to start anew. A respectful but direct conversation might deter future issues and foster a more positive relationship.

Find Support Beyond Your Marriage

If your husband remains indifferent, confide in someone you trust, like a close friend, sibling, or therapist. Talking to someone who listens compassionately can help you deal with the emotional pain and gather the strength needed to address the issue effectively.

A counselor might also help guide you in approaching your husband in a way that encourages understanding rather than defensiveness. Sometimes, outside support can help you clear your thoughts and gain the clarity needed to progress.

Suggest Family Counseling

If conflicts with your mother-in-law persist and your husband continues to dismiss them, consider proposing family counseling. Present it as an opportunity to strengthen family ties rather than a disciplinary measure. Explain that it’s about fostering better understanding, especially since you are new to the family dynamic.

A neutral counselor can help facilitate discussions and address underlying issues like your mother-in-law’s unexplained hostility. This could also prompt your husband to acknowledge and engage with the situation more seriously.

Reflect and Reassess

Taking a step back sometimes provides better insight. Limit your interactions with your mother-in-law for a while, concentrating more on strengthening your relationship with your husband. Share with him that you need time to reflect on everything and emphasize the vital role his support plays in your recovery.