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  ENTITLED WOMAN THREW FRESH JUICE AT ME – I’M NOT A DOORMAT, SO I TAUGHT HER A LESSON SHE WON’T FORGET

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  MY SON CALLED FARMERS “LOW CLASS”—SO I DROVE HIM STRAIGHT TO THE RANCH

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  MY WIFE SAID HER CAR WAS ACTING WEIRD—SO I CHECKED AND FOUND A NAIL THE SIZE OF MY FINGER IN HER TIRE

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  I GOT CALLED “GRANNY” AT WORK—NOW I’M QUESTIONING EVERYTHING

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  MY FARM DOG CAME BACK WITH A HORSE—AND A MYSTERY I DIDN’T EXPECT

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  I TOOK MY NEPHEW TO THE FARM TO TEACH HIM A LESSON—BUT HE ENDED UP TEACHING ME ONE

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  THEY LAUGHED WHEN I SAID I MILK COWS—BUT THEN CAME THE REUNION

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  I LET OUR DOG SLEEP NEXT TO OUR TODDLER—AND NOW MY PARTNER WON’T SPEAK TO ME

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  HE TURNED 87 TODAY, AND I ACCIDENTALLY FOUND OUT SOMETHING NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW

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  THE HORSE BROKE THROUGH OUR KITCHEN DOOR—AND I WOKE UP TO A NIGHTMARE

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  I RESCUED A MAN IN A STORM 20 YEARS AGO – HE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR YESTERDAY HOLDING A RED FOLDER IN HIS HANDS

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  MY YOUNGER SISTER STOLE MY FIANCÉ AND INVITED ME TO THEIR WEDDING — BUT SHE HAD NO IDEA IT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING OF MY VICTORY.