Tearfully she explained, “It’s the druggist – he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.” Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute – listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up.
I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys.”
“Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off.”
“Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels – the phone is still ringing – when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke.”
“The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it It was your wife – she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!”
Here are some more jokes for you:
The Philosophical Penguin Title: “Wisdom on Ice”
Why did the penguin start a philosophy podcast?
Because it believed that contemplating life’s questions while sliding on ice was the perfect way to achieve both mental enlightenment and a graceful exit!
The Time-Traveling Chef Title: “Culinary Chronicles”
Why did the chef go back in time to ancient Greece?
To introduce the Greeks to the concept of “toga parties” with a modern twist – delicious fusion cuisine from across the ages!
The Zen Dog Walker Title: “Leash of Tranquility”
Why did the dog walker start practicing Zen meditation?
Because they realized that walking a pack of energetic canines required the same level of mindfulness as achieving inner “paw-sitive” peace!
The Robot Stand-up Comedian Title: “Bits and Giggabytes”
Why did the robot start doing stand-up comedy?
Because it figured that if it could process data at lightning speed, it should be able to generate “byte-sized” laughs with its robotic sense of humor!
The Martian Photographer Title: “Red Planet Captures”
Why did the photographer move to Mars?
To capture the breathtaking “out-of-this-world” landscapes and prove that even the universe’s most distant destinations are Instagram-worthy!
The Haunted Scientist Title: “Spectral Experiments”
Why did the scientist become a ghost hunter?
Because they saw potential in combining their scientific skills with spectral exploration to create groundbreaking “boo-tiful” discoveries!
The Acrobatic Astronaut Title: “Zero-G Gymnastics”
Why did the astronaut join the circus after returning from space?
Because they couldn’t resist the chance to show off their newfound “weightless” skills and prove that gravity wasn’t their only performance partner!
The Time-Traveling Barista Title: “Brews Through Time”
Why did the barista start using a time machine?
To offer customers the chance to enjoy a “brew-tiful” cup of coffee from any era, from the Renaissance roast to the Victorian vanilla latte!
The Detective Duck Title: “Quacks and Clues”
Why did the duck become a detective?
Because it had a knack for solving “webbed” mysteries and could always tell when something was “fowl” play in the animal kingdom!
The Philosophical Painter Title: “Brushstrokes of Thought”
Why did the painter start studying philosophy?
Because they believed that mixing colors on canvas was similar to mixing ideas in the mind, and they wanted to create artwork that sparked deep contemplation in viewers!
