A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”

The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.”

“All right. How long do you need them?” The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.”

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”

Here are some more jokes for you:

The Philosophical Penguin Title: “Wisdom on Ice”

Why did the penguin start a philosophy podcast?

Because it believed that contemplating life’s questions while sliding on ice was the perfect way to achieve both mental enlightenment and a graceful exit! Listeners tuned in to hear its “profound” musings on the meaning of existence while enjoying the occasional fishy pun.

The Time-Traveling Baker Title: “Dough through the Ages”

Why did the baker travel back in time to ancient Rome?

To introduce the world to “empire-worthy” sourdough and watch the birth of pizza as it exchanged culinary ideas with the Romans! With each loaf of bread, the baker left a historical imprint, shaping not only dough but also the course of culinary history.

The Zen Dog Walker Title: “Leash of Tranquility”

Why did the dog walker start practicing Zen meditation?

Because they realized that walking a pack of energetic canines required the same level of mindfulness as achieving inner “paw-sitive” peace! As they strolled through parks, they found harmony not only with nature but also with the whims and barks of their furry companions.

The Robot Stand-up Comedian Title: “Bits and Giggabytes”

Why did the robot start doing stand-up comedy?

Because it figured that if it could process data at lightning speed, it should be able to generate “byte-sized” laughs with its robotic sense of humor! Audiences marveled at its ability to craft jokes based on probability algorithms, leaving them in stitches as they decoded the humor of artificial intelligence.

The Martian Photographer Title: “Red Planet Captures”

Why did the photographer move to Mars?

To capture the breathtaking “out-of-this-world” landscapes and prove that even the universe’s most distant destinations are Instagram-worthy! Armed with a camera, the photographer documented the splendor of alien sunsets and the rugged terrain that only a few had witnessed.

The Haunted Scientist Title: “Spectral Experiments”

Why did the scientist become a ghost hunter?

Because they saw potential in combining their scientific skills with spectral exploration to create groundbreaking “boo-tiful” discoveries! Armed with gadgets and curiosity, they ventured into the unknown, bridging the gap between the living and the ethereal.

The Acrobatic Astronaut Title: “Zero-G Gymnastics”

Why did the astronaut join the circus after returning from space?

Because they couldn’t resist the chance to show off their newfound “weightless” skills and prove that gravity wasn’t their only performance partner! Audiences marveled as the astronaut somersaulted and twirled through the air, creating a cosmic spectacle that dazzled Earthbound onlookers.

The Time-Traveling Barista Title: “Brews Through Time”

Why did the barista start using a time machine?

To offer customers the chance to enjoy a “brew-tiful” cup of coffee from any era, from the Renaissance roast to the Victorian vanilla latte! The coffee shop became a temporal oasis, where patrons sipped on history while pondering the riddles of time travel.

The Detective Duck Title: “Quacks and Clues”

Why did the duck become a detective?

Because it had a knack for solving “webbed” mysteries and could always tell when something was “fowl” play in the animal kingdom! With a magnifying glass in one wing and a keen eye for detail, it quacked its way through cases that left even the slyest culprits waddling nervously.

The Philosophical Painter Title: “Brushstrokes of Thought”

Why did the painter start studying philosophy?

Mixing colors on canvas was similar to mixing ideas in the mind, and they wanted to create artwork that sparked deep contemplation in viewers! Each stroke of the brush represented not just pigment on canvas but also a swirl of philosophical concepts waiting to be unraveled.