Keith strutted into the house, all smug. “Guess what? Mom and Dad are going to a resort, and they invited me. I’m going next week.”
I blinked. “Wait… what?”
He shrugged. “I NEED a break.”
I stared at him, bouncing our fussy newborn, running on two hours of sleep and stale coffee. “And me?”
Keith scoffed. “Babe, YOU DON’T WORK, so you don’t need a vacation. You’re basically on one already.”
I laughed. Not because it was funny, but because I was seconds away from throwing a bottle at his head.
Instead, I smiled sweetly. “Of course, dear. You’re the ONLY BREADWINNER. Go have fun.”
Keith smirked, thinking he’d won.
He had no idea that he’d be crying soon because I wasn’t going to let it slide.
The week leading up to Keith’s trip, I planned carefully. I didn’t argue, didn’t guilt-trip him. Nope. I let him dig his own grave.
The night before he left, I stayed up late “preparing.” I made sure he had his suitcase packed (though I may have switched his sunscreen with diaper rash cream and added some surprise baby socks in there).
The next morning, I gave him a big, cheerful kiss on the cheek. “Have SO much fun! Don’t even WORRY about us!”
Keith, still oblivious, patted my shoulder. “That’s the spirit. See? You get it.”
Oh, I got it all right.
The minute he walked out the door, I put my plan into motion. I texted his boss (who I happened to know was NOT aware of Keith’s little trip).
“Hi, this is Keith’s wife, just letting you know he’s off to a resort for the week! He left his work laptop behind, so I wasn’t sure if he had officially taken PTO. Just wanted to check!”
His boss’s response? Immediate.
“What vacation? Keith didn’t request time off. He told us he was working remotely.”
Oh. Ohhh.
I sent a polite, “Oh dear, that must be a mistake. Should I check his emails for clarification?”
And that’s when Keith’s fun getaway started falling apart.
Three days into his trip, I received the first panicked call.
“Babe! Why did you tell my boss I’m on vacation?!”
I cradled our baby and yawned. “I didn’t. I just mentioned you were gone for the week. You didn’t tell them?”
“I SAID I WAS WORKING REMOTELY! Now I’m in trouble!”
“Ohhh,” I said innocently. “That’s unfortunate.”
Then I added, “By the way, your mom called. Apparently, she’s shocked that you left me alone with the baby for a vacation. Said something about how she raised you better?”
Keith groaned. “You TOLD her?!”
I smiled. “Nope! She figured it out when she called to check on the baby and I mentioned you were away. I guess she just assumed you wouldn’t leave me alone like this. Weird, right?”
There was silence.
Then, “I gotta go.”
Two days later, Keith was back. And he looked MISERABLE. Sunburned, exhausted, and mad.
“My boss is furious. My mom is mad at me. And you—”
“Me?” I asked, rocking our baby. “Oh, don’t worry about me. I was just on vacation, remember? Maternity leave? Basically a holiday?”
Keith had the decency to look ashamed.
I let the silence stretch. Then, I stood up and handed him the baby. “Your turn.”
“What—?”
“I’m going out.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere but here. Have fun!”
I grabbed my bag and left before he could argue.
When I came back, Keith was still sitting in the same spot, our baby wailing in his arms. His shirt was stained, his hair was a mess, and he looked like he’d seen things.
“Hey, honey!” I chirped. “How was YOUR vacation?”
He groaned. “Okay, I get it. You win. I was wrong.”
“Oh? About what?”
“About you not working. About maternity leave being easy. About—” He sighed. “EVERYTHING.”
I smiled and kissed his forehead. “Good. Now go change the baby.”
Moral of the story? Respect your partner. Parenthood is a job, even if there’s no paycheck. And if you act like a selfish fool, life WILL humble you.
If you liked this story, share it! Maybe it’ll remind someone to appreciate the people holding it all together.
